GENETICALLY- MODIFIED MAGNIFICAT
SHOCK!!
By our Gene Correspondent, Mary Shelley
"It's sapiens to be homo," Anthony
Burgess
In a stunning press conference which shocked the world of Perfect Beings to its Inner
Self, consciousness guru magnificat admitted that he was really a Mutant
Master - and had been all along!
"Yeah, it's true, dudes,"
the Different yet Defiant One indifferently announced. "It passes down from
your mother - on chromosome 69 about half way along."
There was a muted gasp from the
adrenalin-spiked press pack.
"So how
did it feel, being genetically- modified?" one mini-skirted
and over made-up hackette ventured.
"Oh - the signs are there from an early
age...you just gotta know where to look," magnificat explained as he sipped
from a bottle marked Pour les Hommes.
"It's particularly noticeable when
acne starts - round about 13 maybe. Most guys just squeeze em - have competitions against
the mirror with their pals even," he laughed, reminiscing.
"But not the modified kids - no,
they often start going to church... desperately hoping that God will help them with these
odd feelings. Some of em even graduate from being choirboys to full-blown ministers and
priests."
He fixed the tarty reporter with a gaze both
current and ageless. "It's not easy being different, you know."
Magnificat smiled then, beneficently. "So if you gonna be different on one
chromosome, ya might as well have fun on the other fuckers as well!"
"Take Peter Mandelson. What kinda
unmodified guy would do what that son of a gun did, and bet the ranch on a fucking
dome?"
"But the dome worked for him, didn't it?
The ranch turned out a bit of a problem - but he'll be back, you bet your natural
ass!"
And what about the stories flying round Wapping that
magnificat was being groomed to be the next QC?
"Quentin's my hero, of course. My main mutant hero
dude. No-one tells it better. No-one!"
magnificat paused then, letting his eyes adjust
to the glare of the TV lights.
"But let's face it, even that old
boy won't go on for ever, will he? And somebody's gotta do it. I'm just considering
opportunities right now. Let's leave it as maybe, just maybe."
And - please before we stop - what advice would
magnificat give to those kids just discovering their modifications? What should they do?
How should they feel? Who is it cooler to fancy - Matthew Perry or Robbie Williams?
William or Craig? Stuart or Eero?
magnificat laughed. "The
young will do what they always do.
And what do they always do? "Make
mistakes, of course. Make lots of mistakes!"
At that he closed his eyes and began to
meditate, smiling.
"Heterosexuals are people you haven't
shagged yet."
magnificat (when he was young)
